08 March 2008 @ 08:42 pm
TW: Endings, Beginnings (PG), Jack/Ianto.  
Jack doesn't even realize that he's been broken up with for almost a month.



Note: General spoilers for season two.



It isn't any slow dwindling thing, not on his part. The realization comes all at once, startling and obvious and of course. Ianto's never been good at realizing a relationship was over. He kept Lisa in that basement for months.

Still, he's learned quite a lot since then, and standing there, watching Jack watching Gwen--it hits him that it's over, as sure as that time Lisa threw him across the room.

-----

Ianto would leave if he had anywhere to go. The sad truth is if he stayed after Lisa, he can stay after this, and if every part of him still hurts he hasn't stopped moving and he isn't going to, now, either. It's actually kind of funny how little changes at all. Jack doesn't even realize that he's been broken up with for almost a month.

"You haven't been over for awhile," Jack says.

Ianto says, "Oh, I'm not having sex with you anymore. Have a pleasant evening, sir. I'll see you in the morning."

And as he left he found that moving hurt a little less.

-----

Jack says nothing the next day, or rather, he says nothing about this. There is still the flirtations, the innuendos, an edge to it maybe that had been absent the day before. But he says nothing.

He makes the coffee and he cleans the guns. He mops up the blood in holding cell 2B. He goes home again.

His apartment is such an ordinary place, it is nothing like Torchwood. The others used to take bits and pieces home, things they grew attached to, like Suzie with her glove. Ianto never did. Jack was the only thing he ever thought to keep, but he'd been as foolish as the rest of them.

He could have an ordinary life here, if that was what he wanted. He's sure he would fit right in.

-----

Ianto feels sick and a little horrified, the next day, standing in the middle of the hub. His black polished shoes are at the edge of that muddy water and he can hear the fountain overhead, running, and running.

There is so much mess in this place, so much dirt and blood and dust.

Owen and Tosh and Gwen walk through it, oblivious. Jack knows it's there and it doesn't bother him. Ianto's not sure which way is worse, which aspect he envies. He's not sure how much longer he can do this.

Jack grabs his wrist later, as Ianto stacks the papers on his desk. In. Out. Signed. Pending.

"What did I do wrong?" Jack asks.

Ianto says, "What does it matter?" and Jack lets him go.

-----

The idea starts slowly, a lingering little thing, just a last resort at first. Ianto keeps the pill bottle in his coat pocket, like a contingency plan. Jack's so fond of those, Ianto's sure he'd understand.

He never quite allows himself to think he'll actually go through with it. Not at first.

Not until this night, when the others are gone and Jack is standing in front of the door, determined and dangerous and all of those things that Ianto admired once.

"I want to know what happened between us," Jack says.

"I used to think you were far too good for me, do you know that?" Ianto says. "But you're not. You're just like the rest of us, maybe worse. Because you've had longer to learn and you're still making the same mistakes."

"I can't learn if you don't tell me what I've done," Jack snaps.

"You won't change even if I do," Ianto says. "You don't see it as wrong."

"Ianto," Jack says. "I want to know."

"You don't know who I am," Ianto says. "That's the problem, Jack. You don't know me. Maybe I could have lived with that, but I don't think you care who I am, and I deserve someone who does."

"That isn't true," Jack says.

"I bet you could tell me Gwen's life story," Ianto says.

"Because she's told me hers," Jack snaps. "It's not that I haven't asked."

"It is," Ianto says. "Because you haven't."

-----

Jack must have noticed it was missing from the medicine stock, because he kicks down the door without even knocking and comes charging through. Ianto's sitting at the table and the pill bottle is open on the surface, empty.

Jack grabs him by the arm and pulls him to his feet. "What have you done?"

"You know, or you wouldn't be here. I know it's so far out of your way." Ianto lets Jack lean him against the wall. The room is blurring. His thoughts are unraveling, one by one, and all the anger is fading along with all of the pain and the grief.

Jack actually looks terrified, and Ianto watches him, wondering how that's possible. "Why would you do this?" he asks. "We could have--you're--"

"I put my resignation letter in the mail," Ianto says. "I would have given two weeks notice but honestly I couldn't have stood it."

"Ianto," Jack says. "Ianto, I love you. I do. Gwen's just, she was just--"

"Don't say it," Ianto says. "It makes it worse, not better, if you're only toying with her life as well."

"I never meant to toy with any of you," Jack says. "Nothing is this complicated where I come from."

"You've been here longer than anywhere, so that excuse doesn't work now," Ianto says. "Please. Please, leave. You can't be here when I wake up. I won't know you."

"I love you, Ianto," Jack says. He has tears in his eyes, and Ianto can see the lights bounce off them, like tiny little mirrors. "I would have fixed this eventually. I would have."

Ianto gives a choking laugh. "Of course, you say that now, when you know I won't remember."

"I could find you again," Jack says, hands resting on Ianto's neck, close enough that he can smell the salt in his tears. "I could find you and I could do it right next time."

"But you won't," Ianto says. "And you wouldn't. You'd do the same thing, and so would I."

"I love you," Jack says again. "How could you not know that?"

"Because you don't," Ianto says. "Not like I love you. Please, please, Jack, just leave me be. Don't find me. Don't."

Jack kisses him on the forehead. He says, "goodbye" and "I'm sorry" and then he leaves.

-----

Ianto wakes up in his apartment. His apartment is an ordinary kind of place except for the curiously broken latch on his door. He doesn't remember moving there. He remembers a job offer by a woman in London and supposes nothing came of it.

There are images of people like ghosts in the back of his head. A pretty pretty girl with skin that's cold like metal and a man with dark hair and a wicked grin. They press at the back of his mind, shouting like they're trying to get out, tearing through his mind to something--something.

Ianto shrugs them both off like the remnants of a dream. He has a life to build, and no time for them.

If they were important at all he's sure he would remember.
 
 
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Observed behaving suspiciously in Strasbourgh: TW - J/I If our eyes should meetbendtothesun on March 9th, 2008 - 06:55 am
Oh... *will not cry*

That was... intense. Beautiful and heart-wrenching, heartbreaking even and bitter. Oh Ianto and having no place else to go, no way of knowing how to get out except for that.

"I never meant to toy with any of you," Jack says. "Nothing is this complicated where I come from."

"You've been here longer than anywhere, so that excuse doesn't work now,"
I've never thought of it but that's so true. He should know better than any of them really.

I'm torn. I'm happy Ianto did something and broke it off but leaving Jack and Lisa behind is... it's courageous in ways not many people get. On the other hand I want Jack to come back and woe him and well do better this time*

*breaks and cries* That was great and that last line.... Oh boys.
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Layton Colt: captain jack/ianto celllaytoncolt on March 10th, 2008 - 02:26 am
Thank you! :-)
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Tarlantarlanx on March 9th, 2008 - 10:55 am
OH Ianto! I so desperately want Jack to force his way back into Ianto's new life and - this time - make him realize how important and loved he truly was.
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Layton Colt: captain jack out of timelaytoncolt on March 10th, 2008 - 02:29 am
Thank you! I'd love to see that too, but considering the spoilers I've heard I just couldn't seem to give this one a happier ending than this. I hope the show makes things better than I could!
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Sandrine: Jack/Iantosandrine on March 9th, 2008 - 12:41 pm
I'm not even so much into Jack/Ianto anymore, but - gah! This is beautifully written and painful and it felt so real that it made my heart ache because I can see it all going down like this. Wonderful story; thanks for sharing.

(On a lighter note, I'm insanely amused how well your story title goes with my icon. Except, in a reverse kind of way.)
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Layton Colt: captain jack/ianto celllaytoncolt on March 10th, 2008 - 02:31 am
Thank you! :-)

Hee! You know, I've seen your icon before, so I may have subconsciously stolen it from that. ;-)
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wildestranger on March 9th, 2008 - 01:02 pm
Gorgeous. :)
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Layton Colt: captain jack/ten edge of the worldlaytoncolt on March 10th, 2008 - 02:32 am
Thank you :-)
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adafrogadafrog on March 9th, 2008 - 06:28 pm
*cries*
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Layton Colt: captain jack don't crylaytoncolt on March 10th, 2008 - 02:33 am
::hugs:: I should probably start putting 'depressing' warnings on my fics. Sorry, hun! ;-)
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Beatrice: FF - sephy - dude wtfxbeax on March 9th, 2008 - 07:42 pm
*sniff*

This...needs a sequel. Seriously! I have hope...for a happy ending!

...

*cries*

And knowing Jack, he won't help himself in finding Ianto.
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Layton Colt: captain jack don't crylaytoncolt on March 10th, 2008 - 02:34 am
Thanks, hun! This is probably the end for this fic for me, though. I may try and fix them with a new story later. ;-)
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Sorry we said fuck so much: Jaaaaack!20thcenturyvole on March 9th, 2008 - 11:24 pm
Aw. Heartbreaking, but very believable. I loved it!
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Layton Colt: captain jack love storylaytoncolt on March 10th, 2008 - 02:34 am
Thank you! :-)
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(no subject) - (Anonymous) on March 9th, 2008 - 11:34 pm
Layton Colt: captain jack pensivelaytoncolt on March 10th, 2008 - 02:45 am
Thank you! :-)
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is it wrong to wish on space hardware?: [j/i] never turn your back on itgreenapricot on March 11th, 2008 - 02:28 am
Oh, Ianto. Oh. This hurts and I love it and I really don't know what to say.
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Layton Colt: captain jack love storylaytoncolt on March 11th, 2008 - 04:12 pm
Thank you! :-)
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cristinaterribilita on March 12th, 2008 - 06:47 am
Eeee, yes! This is what I've been waiting for since Something Borrowed came out. This hurts, but in the best way possible. Just lovely. *hugs Ianto*
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Layton Colt: booth and boneslaytoncolt on March 13th, 2008 - 02:21 am
Thank you! :-)
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Julijmchau on March 14th, 2008 - 11:04 pm
oh my
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Layton Colt: captain jack doesn't sleeplaytoncolt on March 15th, 2008 - 06:05 am
Thank you! :-)
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glitter is blue: TW - Baby!Jack and Emo Baby!Iantoglitterisblue on March 19th, 2008 - 01:49 am
Now I've got tears in my eyes at work *cries*

So beautiful and heartbreaking. PLEASE say you're doing a sequel? :)
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Layton Colt: captain jack/ianto celllaytoncolt on March 19th, 2008 - 02:05 am
Thank you! This was just a depressing little one-shot, though. ;-)
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thrace_adams: Buffy crythrace_adams on March 19th, 2008 - 03:40 am
Okay, this is it, I swear this is the last angsty fic I'm going to read *storms off muttering about finding some fluff* Excellent story btw...very well done and heartbreaking!
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Layton Colt: captain jack don't crylaytoncolt on March 20th, 2008 - 05:18 am
Thank you! I'm sorry about all the angst! ;-)
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inkvictus on March 19th, 2008 - 08:49 am
Oh wow. *angsts* That was so beautifully written, so emotional. I was hoping and praying that it would end well.And it did, just not in the way i wanted. *sobs*
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Layton Colt: torchwood countrycidelaytoncolt on March 20th, 2008 - 05:20 am
Thank you! :-)
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BOOM! goes the dynamite!: Ianto by falling_colorsmslauren2930 on March 19th, 2008 - 02:38 pm
wow, I really liked that. sad, but yet almost somewhat of a good ending for Ianto.
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Layton Colt: captain jack/ianto celllaytoncolt on March 20th, 2008 - 05:21 am
Thank you! :-)
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