"I really can't stand that guy," Jack said. He jumped out of the jeep and slammed the door, before stumbling over an overgrown patch of grass. Deputy Jo Lupo had already made her way out the passenger side and stood in front of him with her usual stoic expression and crossed arms.
Jack just knew she wanted to laugh, but she settled for flashing him a quick little smirk. "You two should just get a room and be done with it," she said softly, mostly to herself.
Jack spared her a suspicious glance, but continued his tirade without pause. "I mean, honestly, I'm not Stark's little message boy."
"You really didn't read the fine print in your contract, did you?"
"Oh, you're kidding," Jack snapped. He pulled to a stop and glared at her.
"You have to keep the peace," Lupo said smugly. "And sometimes in this town that means delivering messages so the brainiacs don't all kill each other."
"Who is this guy, anyway, and why doesn't he have a phone?" Jack demanded.
"John Sheppard," Jo said. "He runs the Eureka Taxi service, and he doesn't have a phone because he doesn't actually want to have to drive anyone around."
"Eureka doesn't have Taxis," Jack said.
"Air Taxis," Jo said. "Helicopters, mostly."
"So he's a pilot then?" Jack asked.
"He's our test pilot, yes," Jo said.
"Why can't you people ever just give a straight answer the first time around?" Jack asked.
"It wouldn't be any fun," Jo told him sweetly, then clasped her hands behind her back and marched off in front of him.
Jack rolled his eyes and followed her over the slight hill. As they made their way over the rise, a large grey building came into view. It looked like an ordinary warehouse, with a large red-lettered sign hanging over the door, labeling it as "Sheppard's Taxi Service." Jack looked at it for a moment. "Yep. I don't see any Taxis."
"Trust me, Shep has his way of getting around," Jo said wryly.
Jack made his way down the steep hill, just barely managing not to stumble again, and knocked on the door. He tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for a response, and a minute later someone finally called for them to come in. "Mr. Sheppard?" Jack said, as he pushed the unlocked door open.
As with most of Eureka, the outside of the building had been misleading. The door led to a pristine foyer, with brand new carpet and an antique end table against the wall. There was no reception desk or any sign of an actual business; just a man slouched on his couch with a beer and a football game playing out on a big screen.
Jack liked him almost instantly. "Are you John Sheppard?"
Sheppard flashed a wide grin and got to his feet. The game paused the moment he stood, but Jack didn't see a remote. "You must be Sheriff Carter," he said, holding out a hand. "Pleasure to meet you." He glanced over at Jo and the grin went a little crooked. "Jo."
She crossed her arms. "Shep. Taking the day off again?"
"You know I have to watch the Hail Mary when I'm feeling uninspired," John said. "Hey, can I get either of you something to drink?"
"I'm actually just here to give you a message from Stark," Jack said, handing him a file. "He wants you to do a pick up for him."
John glared at the paper for a moment. "I'm actually all booked up at the moment. Spencer's still trying to make a transporter. You should go talk to him."
"Take it, Shep," Jo said.
"You don't scare me," John told her, even as he reached out to snatch the paper from Jack's hand. He scanned it quickly. "Great. A scientist. I was so hoping it would be cargo. I hate passengers. They always want to talk."
"Our John isn't very good with people," Jo explained. "He only uses his overabundance of supposed charm as a last resort."
"You're just pissed I can still get to you," John said smugly, before looking over to the Sheriff. "I can always get her to 'lose' my traffic tickets."
"How about you go pick this guy up, and I pretend I never heard that?" Jack asked.
John grinned. "Deal. I've been meaning to give my new Helicopter a test drive, anyway."
"Is this really the best time to try it out?" Jack asked dubiously. "Stark put a special message on there that the passenger doesn't really like to fly."
"Oh, he'll be fine," John said, before walking into his foyer and leaning across to open the door. "See you around Sheriff, Jo."
John waved at them cheerily once before closing the door in their faces. Jo just sighed and spun on her heel.
"You know, for this town, he's almost normal," Jack said. "It was kind of refreshing."
Jo glanced at him sideways. "He's an aeronautical engineer, and a world renown mathematician," she told him.
Jack hung his head. "Of course he is."
"He designs space ships in his spare time," she added.
Jack glared at her. "Shut up."
Jo opened her mouth, but closed it again when the ground began to shake. Jack grabbed her arm when she stumbled, and let go just as quickly at the look she threw him.
"What the hell is that?" he asked.
The roof of the Taxi service lifted up and then folded back, and a sleek black helicopter flew straight up before turning right and disappearing before Jack had even gotten his footing back.
"That would be Shep," Jo said. "And his newest Taxi."
-----
"Don't try and sugarcoat this, you ungrateful vixen!'
Samantha Carter rolled her eyes. "It's a promotion, Rodney, I promise."
"You're sending me to some little godforsaken town and calling it a promotion?" Rodney snapped, crossing his arms. "You just want me out of the picture because I make you look stupid."
Sam took a deep breath. "For the last time, Rodney, this town holds some of the greatest minds that Earth has to offer, and it has state of the art technology even we haven't been able to get our hands on yet. You'll be happy there."
"You mean you'll be happy with me there," Rodney said resentfully.
Sam nodded. "Yes, that too."
"You can't make me go," Rodney snapped. "You had me escorted from my office by your crazy commando goons and taken to an airport! You had them pack my things! This is kidnapping!"
"You don't have to go, McKay," Sam agreed. "You just have to go if you want to keep getting paychecks from the Air Force."
"I hope you know I hate you," Rodney told her, holding onto his two suitcases like his life depended on it and pouting rather obviously. "I'm painfully attracted to you, but I hate you."
"I hate you too," Sam said. "Now leave. Your ride is here."
"You don't have to say it," Rodney said, flashing her a grin. "I know you're attracted to me too, and what ride--"
Rodney broke off mid-sentence as a small black helicopter came out of nowhere and slammed into the ground--it seemed to meld into the concrete on legs that had some kind of suction cup, before going still almost instantly. Rodney found the silence of the engine and the propellers strangely disconcerting.
He gave a stunned kind of laugh. "Oh, no way. No way in hell, Carter!"
"It's one of the safest aircrafts on Earth, you'll be fine," Sam said, giving him a shove.
The pilot jumped out and pulled his helmet off. His spiky tresses seemed to be immune to helmet hair and quickly bounced back, falling in all directions. Rodney did not find the goofy grin that was carelessly thrown his way reassuring at all. "You Rodney McKay?" he asked.
"No," Rodney denied instantly.
"Yes he is," Sam said. "Good luck!"
"I'm going to need it!" Rodney snapped.
Sam grinned and started to back away. "I was talking to your pilot!"
"She's a pistol," John said, watching her as Sam made a quick retreat. "Girlfriend?"
"She's the devil."
"Ah. Ex-girlfriend, then?" he asked.
"The object of unresolved lust, actually, if you must know," Rodney told him. "No matter. It would never have worked out. Everyone knows I'm way too good for her."
John laughed. "John Sheppard," he said, holding out his hand.
Rodney took it distractedly, and eyed the helicopter with suspicion. "What is that thing?"
"I call it the Carpenter," John said.
Rodney frowned. "What, like after a woodworker?"
"After the bee," John said. "It was designed with an insects' movements in mind."
"Somehow that doesn't reassure me," Rodney said.
"I wasn't trying to reassure you." John pried Rodney's bags from his hands and tossed them into the back.
"Be careful with those!" Rodney snapped. "They're the entirety of my worldly possessions, since the SGC confiscated everything else."
"What did you do for SGC?" John asked.
"That's classified," Rodney told him haughtily.
John rolled his eyes. "I have the highest level of security in existence."
"That's what you think," Rodney said. "But we actually made a new level."
"Whatever," John said cheerfully. "Just get in. I want to make it back in time for the game at six."
Rodney looked at his watch. "Are you kidding? It's five thirty, and this is at least a five hour flight."
John blinked. "Twenty minutes, tops."
"You're joking," Rodney said. "You have to be. Or you're crazy. Either way, I'm not getting in that deathtrap."
"Okay," John said.
Rodney narrowed his eyes. "Okay?"
"No skin off my nose," John said. "You don't want to go, don't go." John grabbed the bags and tossed them back out again, before climbing into the pilot's seat.
"Wait," Rodney shouted. "You're just going to leave me here?"
"Yes," John said. "Yes I am. Have a pleasant day, Dr. McKay."
"Alright!" Rodney snapped. "Alright. Okay. I'll go."
John grinned and hopped out again. "See? Was that so hard?"
"You could be a little more reassuring," Rodney said. "Would that be so hard?"
"Okay," John said, returning the bags to the back and waiting until Rodney had climbed into the helicopter. "I've only ever crashed twenty two times."
"Twenty two times?" Rodney said disbelievingly. "You're joking."
"'Fraid not," John said. "Test pilots live in a dangerous line of work. But that's twenty-two crashes and I'm still alive. I've never lost a passenger, either."
"I can't do this," Rodney said.
John reached over and strapped him in. "You'll be fine," he said, then they lurched up like they were on a carnival ride.
-----
Rodney stumbled from the helicopter and fell to his hands and knees, fighting the sudden, strong urge to kiss the ground. "I'm alive," he said. "I'm alive!"
"Eighteen minutes forty three seconds," John said proudly as he hopped down. "That's a record. Damn I'm good."
"You're insane," Rodney said, pointing at him. "You're absolutely insane and you almost killed me!"
"Would you rather have been stuck on some generic passenger plane watching Return to Me on repeat for five hours?" John asked.
"Yes!" Rodney said. "My life flashed before my eyes on that one turn."
"It was a flip," John said.
"Helicopters don't flip."
"My baby does," John told him. "And keep your voice down. You'll hurt her feelings."
"Oh my god," Rodney said. "You're one of those. It's an inanimate object, you freak."
"I resent that, Dr. McKay," the helicopter said.
"Did it just--" Rodney trailed off. "I mean, it did--"
"Fargo provided the Carpenter with a neural interface and an AI," John said. "Reggie generally isn't very chatty, but she gets easily pissed off."
"I am merely offended, John," Reggie said. "I am not programmed to experience anger."
"I feel like I fell down the rabbit hole," Rodney said disbelievingly. "And I thought I'd seen everything."
"Don't worry, everyone feels like that at first, but you'll get used to it," John said. He reached out and grabbed Rodney's wrist, before pulling him back to his feet and motioning to the building behind them. "Welcome to Global Dynamics. You're Stark's problem now. Have fun."
"Wait," Rodney said. "Where do I go?"
John hit a button on the wall and the ground beneath Rodney's feet shifted and began to lower. Rodney swallowed nervously as he was slowly carried down. "Right," he said. "Of course."
"See you around, McKay," John said, and then the ground moved back into place over Rodney's head.
-----
Nathan Stark barely glanced up when Rodney walked in. "I see Shep managed to get you here alive," he said.
Rodney glared at him. "You mean you know what a menace he is and you let him pick me up anyway?"
Stark gave a wry grin. "I was kind of hoping you wouldn't survive the trip."
"Oh, that's nice, Nathan, really. It's shocking my ego has remained so healthy with you and Sam Carter around." Rodney crossed his arms and gave an irritated huff.
Stark laughed and stood up. "You know I'm always happy to see you, Rodney."
Rodney huffed disbelievingly, and then turned to look out the glass windows. "So this is where you come to when you disappear?"
"Yes. Eureka." Stark leaned back against his desk, and crossed his ankles. "The last director screwed up. I had to leave the SGC and come back, but what the hell are you doing here? I thought you were going to Atlantis."
"Carter holds a grudge," Rodney said. "I've been exiled."
"All because you blew up a few measly planets?" Nathan asked in mock-disbelief. "Who knew she could be so petty?"
"They were uninhabited!" Rodney said defensively. "She's the one that blew up a sun!"
"Yeah, but she did it on purpose," Stark said.
"Semantics," Rodney snapped.
Nathan tossed Rodney an access pass. "Carter, your Carter, wants you in Section 5."
"And Section 5 would be...?"
"Weapons and defenses for the military," Stark said. "Where else?"
"Oh, great," Rodney said. "I get exiled for blowing up uninhabited planets and they want me to build something to blow up people. Ah, the contradictions of the military mindset."
Stark just grinned at him.
Rodney glanced at the pass, then back at Stark, and narrowed his eyes. "Why are you smiling like that?"
"You haven't heard the best part yet," Stark said smugly. "Guess who your new boss is?"
-----
"You're late."
Rodney stared at the grease stained coveralls and tennis shoes and wondered what had happened to his life. He'd had such promise. "Excuse me?"
John soundlessly rolled out from under what appeared to be some kind of fighter plane. "Your shift started thirty two seconds ago."
"You didn't think to mention to me, at any point during that terrifying flight, that you were going to be my boss?" Rodney asked.
"You didn't really give me much chance what with all your screaming," John said with a grin.
"I thought you were some moron," Rodney said, and crossed his arms. "And you do have SGC clearance, you bastard."
"Of course I do," John said. "I designed a few ships for them."
Rodney leaned forward. "Prometheus?"
John laughed. "Are you kidding? That bulky unimaginative ship? No, I designed the Daedalus."
"That was you?" Rodney asked. "I was told it was designed by an engineer outside of the SGC, and...I have to admit, I was reluctantly impressed."
John grinned. "Right, well, I'm glad we cleared all that up." He jumped to his feet and pointed down the hall. "Last lab. You're working with Radek. He's trying to recreate a zero point module so we can better power our newest space capable ships."
Rodney's eyes lit up. "You guys are making ZPMs?"
John smiled over at him. "So maybe you'll like it here after all, huh?"
Rodney flashed his own smug version of a smile. "I suppose that it's not outside the realm of possibilities."
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