21 February 2006 @ 11:49 pm
SG-1/SGA: Geniuses (PG-13), McKay/Sheppard.  
Daniel visits Atlantis, and stirs up trouble.

“Well, isn’t this just great. I order a gorgeous blonde and I get you.”

Daniel Jackson smiled, rolling back on his heels. “Nice to see you, too, Rodney. It’s been awhile.”

Rodney rolled his eyes, and crossed his arms haughtily. “Where’s Samantha?”

Daniel grinned widely. “She had to wash her hair,” he said guilelessly. “So they sent me.”

“What good are you?” Rodney asked. “I don’t need an archeologist.”

“Need a ZPM?” Daniel asked, still grinning, and lifting the briefcase he carried. “’Cause I got one.”

Rodney froze, then launched himself forward, hugging Daniel tightly. “I think I might love you,” he said.

Daniel tried to pry him off. “I’ve missed this,” he said. “The mood swings, I mean. You haven’t changed.”

Rodney grabbed the case from him reverently. “I’m going to have so much fun,” he said.

Daniel winced. “Should I be worried?”

“Daniel,” Weir called, interrupting. She took the steps down to the gateroom, smiling brightly. “It’s good to see you again.”

“Elizabeth,” he said, reaching out to shake her hand, and glancing around. “It’s amazing here.”

“You’ll have to take a tour,” she said. “I have to debrief one of the teams, but I’m sure Rodney would be—“

“I’m busy,” Rodney said, petting the case that held the ZPM.

Weir ignored him. “--more than happy to show you around.”

Rodney sighed. “Oh, fine.” He reached out and grabbed Daniel’s wrist, dragging him along behind him. “I’ll show you the lab first.”

Daniel rolled his eyes. “And how long will that portion of the tour last?” he asked.

“Three days, minimum,” Rodney told him.

When they reached the lab, Rodney reverently pulled out the ZPM, and immediately forgot Daniel was there. Daniel, for his part, sat down next to him to give lots of unhelpful comments, which were all ignored.

When Rodney finally sent someone named Zelenka off to plug the ZPM in, he seemed to remember that Daniel was there. “So how did you talk General O’Neill into letting you out, anyway?” he asked. “Last time we talked, you were grounded back in our galaxy.”

“Technically, I’m here on Hammond’s authority,” Daniel said, wincing. “Jack’s not happy.”

Rodney nodded. “I know the type,” he said, before returning his attention to the readout.

Daniel sighed as he realized he’d been forgotten again, and starting glancing around, looking at the devices spread out over the tables. John Sheppard walked in a few minutes later, took one look at Rodney, and thought better of trying to get his attention. Instead he headed over to Daniel.

“Dr. Jackson,” John said, grinning. “Good to see you again.”

Daniel smiled. “Colonel,” he said, holding out his hand. “Call me Daniel.”

Rodney froze over his work, and looked up as his two smiling friends started talking, and getting along—getting along. He jumped up from his desk and grabbed Daniel’s arm. “We haven’t finished the tour,” he said, before dragging him from the room.

Daniel’s head was spinning by the third room Rodney rushed him through. “This is another empty room,” he said. “Purpose unknown. Let’s see the next.”

Daniel dug in his heels. “What’s gotten into you?” he said. “I thought you were busy.”

“I’m not to busy for a good friend,” Rodney snapped, filled with mock outrage.

Daniel raised an eyebrow. “O-kay,” he said.

“Okay, fine.” Rodney crossed his arms. “Listen, just-call-me-Daniel, I don’t want you charming this whole base, is all, okay? Get it? This is my place. You may be the golden boy at the SGC, but I am here.”

“I thought Colonel Sheppard was,” Daniel said, blinking innocently.

“Don’t change the subject!” Rodney snapped. “I don’t want you upstaging me.”

“All I did was say hi,” Daniel said. “Obviously, I didn’t realize upstaging you would be so easy.”

“You know what you’re doing,” Rodney said, pointing at him haughtily.

Daniel smiled. “Rodney, I don’t know where you—“

“Oh, don’t try the innocent act with me,” Rodney snapped. “You’re conniving and manipulative and you don’t have me fooled.”

Daniel leaned back on the counter. “You’re delusional,” he said. “I’m nice. Everyone knows I’m nice.”

Rodney started pacing. “How long are you staying again?” he asked.

“As long as I want,” Daniel said, clicking his tongue. “One month, maybe. Two. A year, who knows?”

“You’re doing this to irritate me,” Rodney yelled.

“Of course I am. I’m conniving and manipulative.” Daniel grinned brightly. “So, Colonel Sheppard, huh?”

Rodney froze, tilting his head back. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

”Of course you don’t,” Daniel said easily. “I’m obviously mistaken.”

“What do you mean by that?” Rodney snapped. “If you’re thinking…”

“He seems nice,” Daniel said. “I should ask him to give me the rest of the tour, since you’re so busy.”

“Listen here,” Rodney snapped. “You just…stay away from him.”

Daniel raised his eyebrows, feigning confusion. “Why?”

“Because…because…” Rodney snapped, “because he’s my friend, and I have plans for him.”

“Plans?” Daniel asked, grinning. “What kind of plans?”

Rodney rolled his eyes. “Oh, don’t act innocent. We all know you’re sleeping with General O’Neill.”

Daniel frowned. “No, I’m not,” he said.

Rodney paused again, paling. “You’re not?”

Daniel shook his head, honestly confused. “He’s my one of best friends but…”

“Right,” Rodney interrupted. “John too. My best friend, I mean. And that’s it. God, is it hot in here?”

“You’re kind of pathetic,” Daniel told him sweetly.

“I remember you being nicer,” Rodney said, dropping to sit down himself and rest his head in hands. “Didn’t you used to be nicer?”

Daniel laughed. “You’re convinced you’ve seen through my pretense, so why bother to pretend?”

“Oh, god, you’re evil,” Rodney said. “I bet you’ve come to take over the base, haven’t you?”

“I thought about it,” Daniel said vaguely. “Then I decided it was too easy.”

The doors slid open and John peeked inside. “Hey, is everything okay in here? You kind of took off in a hurry.”

“Oh, we’re fine,” Daniel said.

Rodney glared at him, then jumped up to stand in front of John. “Don’t you have things to be doing?” he said.

John shrugged. “Not really, no.”

“Colonel,” Daniel said, coming to stand beside Rodney. “How are you adjusting?”

“What do you care how he’s adjusting?” Rodney snapped.

Daniel turned to him, smiling. “I’m a nice guy,” he said.

“Oh please,” Rodney yelled, poking him.

John raised his hands and stepped back. “Obviously I’m interrupting…something, here,” he said. “I should go.”

“We were just talking about Samantha,’ Rodney said, afraid what ideas John might be getting. “You remember, my girlfriend, Samantha Carter.”

John frowned, and Daniel snorted. “Your girlfriend?” he said. “Since when—“

Rodney poked him again, and glared at him until he shut up. “She couldn’t bear to see me,” Rodney continued. “Didn’t want to have to say goodbye again, the poor thing.”

John nodded vaguely. “Sorry about that,” he said, glancing down the hall. “Look, I’ve got things to do.”

“I thought you said you didn’t,” Rodney said.

John started backing up. “I lied,” he said. He turned to Daniel, giving a slight wave. “Nice to see you again, Dr. Jackson.”

“It’s Daniel,” Daniel called after him, and Rodney slapped him upside the head. “Ow!” he said, glaring at him. “Only Jack gets to do that,” he snapped.

Rodney rolled his eyes. “But you’re not sleeping with him,” he muttered, before marching from the room.


Rodney found John in his quarters later that night, and thought it the perfect time for damage control. “So, you know, it’s really hard for us to be together. What with being a galaxy apart and all that, but she really appreciates my genius…”

“Oh my god, shut up,” John finally snapped. “Look, Rodney, you don’t have to do this. I kind of figured it out.”

Rodney frowned. “Figured what out?” Rodney asked.

“I’m fine with it, okay? You don’t need to put on this act…”

Rodney paled. God. John knew, John knew how he felt about him… “You know,” he said, weakly.

“It’s kind of obvious,” he said. “You two aren’t subtle.”

That threw Rodney off. He frowned. “Just what do you think you know?” he asked.

John rolled his eyes and turned to face him. “Daniel Jackson is ‘Samantha Carter’” John said, putting airquotes around Sam’s name. “Look, I’m okay with it. It’s fine.”

Rodney scrunched up his face, not quite understanding. “I’m not sure where you’re going with this.”

John sighed. “You’re sleeping with Dr. Jackson, and using Colonel Carter as a cover.”

Rodney nearly choked. “Are you insane?” he shouted. “Daniel is an evil megalomaniac, there can only be one in a relationship.”

John leaned back in his chair. “He’s never been anything but nice to me,” he said. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re pretty much opposites and you know what they say…”

“Stop,” Rodney yelled. “I don’t even want to think about…god, how could you—? I am not sleeping with Daniel.”

“You’re not,” John said, puzzled. “Are you saying you really are in a relationship with Samantha Carter?”

“Of course I’m not!” Rodney snapped. “She won’t even return my calls.”

“Then what is this all about?” John demanded. “Are you trying to impress me with your imaginary sexual conquests, or what?”

“I’m trying to distract you,” Rodney said, snappishly.

“From what?” John asked.

”From the fact that I want you,” he snapped, losing hold of the words before he could stop them.

John grinned widely. “It’s about time you said so,” he said.

Rodney’s eyes widened. “What, you knew?”

John shrugged. “Daniel told me,” he said.

Rodney clenched his fists. “Oh, he’s dead!” he said, turning on his heel. John rushed up to him, pressing him up against the wall before he could leave.

“Do you really want to do that?” he asked. “I mean, when we could be doing other things?”

“Yes,” Rodney said firmly. “I need to kill him. Don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll come back.”

John just laughed and kissed him. “Kill him tomorrow,” he whispered.

Rodney lost his balance a little, and found himself nodding. “Okay,” he said. “I suppose I can fit it in before lunch.”

“Now you’re talking,” John said, before reaching over and switching off the light.
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What, does he wanna date me or kill me?: 2001 Rodney McKay stylekrysalys on March 2nd, 2006 - 06:49 am
*falls off chair laughing hysterically*
I so love this!
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Layton Colt: daniellaytoncolt on March 4th, 2006 - 12:46 am
Re: HOWL!!!
Thank you! :-)
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abbyleeabbylee on March 9th, 2006 - 06:31 am

“You’re not,” John said, puzzled. “Are you saying you really are in a relationship with Samantha Carter?”

“Of course I’m not!” Rodney snapped. “She won’t even return my calls.”

One thing I've always loved about Rodney is that he will spend years trying to convince people of an idea, but if they're actually convinced of it, he's annoyed at their lack of intelligence :D
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Layton Colt: rodneylaytoncolt on March 11th, 2006 - 02:50 am
Thank you! :-)
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The Wandering Loonylooking4tarzan on April 20th, 2006 - 01:46 am
LMAO lines that killed me

“Daniel is an evil megalomaniac, there can only be one in a relationship.”


“I need to kill him. Don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll come back.”
(coz he SO would)
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Layton Colt: daniel fascinatedlaytoncolt on April 21st, 2006 - 06:07 pm
Hee, thank you! :-)
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adafrog: Rodney-ohshit.jeepnyadafrog on April 20th, 2006 - 02:16 am
Hee! This was brilliant!
Loved this line “Daniel is an evil megalomaniac, there can only be one in a relationship.” bwaaaa hahahahaha
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Layton Colt: carsonlaytoncolt on April 21st, 2006 - 06:08 pm
Thank you! :-)
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(no subject) - (Anonymous) on April 20th, 2006 - 09:39 am
Layton Colt: daniel past and presentlaytoncolt on April 21st, 2006 - 06:09 pm
Thank you! :-)
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Tazzlestazzles on April 22nd, 2006 - 06:25 am
I love this! “I need to kill him. Don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll come back.” Classic line!
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Layton Colt: daniel fascinatedlaytoncolt on April 22nd, 2006 - 06:57 am
Thanks, hun! :-)
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Jo: Lickjo_zed_pee_em on April 22nd, 2006 - 05:46 pm
*is dead*

*is more dead than ever before*

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Layton Colt: daniel wonderlaytoncolt on April 22nd, 2006 - 08:30 pm
Hee, thanks! :-)
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titCtitc on May 12th, 2006 - 11:20 pm
Whee, hilarious!
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sparkysparkysparkysparky on May 26th, 2006 - 02:48 am
So cute! Daniel is so delicously evol! Got here via
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So cute! Daniel is so delicously evol! Got here via <lj-user=skoosiepants>'s rec, and YAY! This was great! :-D
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sparkysparkysparkysparky on May 26th, 2006 - 02:48 am
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green_grrl: SG1_Danielgreen_grrl on September 7th, 2006 - 06:55 am
I am totally and completely in love with evil!Daniel and his superpowers of Rodney annoyance! Because obviously the only way to shove Rodney into John's arms is bass ackwards. Yay!
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Layton Colt: cluttered thoughtslaytoncolt on September 8th, 2006 - 12:34 am
Hee. Thank you! :-)
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not_sally on October 11th, 2006 - 03:12 am
oh god, the mere idea of Daniel and Rodney? It's making me shiver, in every possible sense. Hell, the galaxy is nowhere near enough, those two could rule the Universe.
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whimsicalwhims: dr. daniel jackson by black_eyedgirlwhimsicalwhims on November 8th, 2006 - 01:42 am
Oh, this is so funny. I started to look for lines to quote, but then realized that I'd be copy and pasting almost the entire story.
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Anonymity as a Refuge: John gives Rodney That Lookmirabile_dictu on November 8th, 2006 - 02:16 am
Loved this! Loved this Rodney especially. Thank you!
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dr_dredddr_dredd on November 8th, 2006 - 02:52 am
Kill him tomorrow.

That's our John. Pragmatic to the core! :-)
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alyburns: Rodneyalyburns on November 8th, 2006 - 03:51 am
Oh, that was WONDERFUL!
I'm still laughing my ass off. And the "I need to kill him. Don't worry, I'm sure he'll come back," just rocked my boat! Brilliant.

I needed this. You're a genius.
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