22 February 2006 @ 01:59 am
SGA: Time (PG), McKay/Sheppard.  
They were all of them desperate, all searching; you aren’t disillusioned. None of you were heroes. You were human.



It’s funny the way things turn out. Time heals all wounds they say, but philosophers don’t know true pain, they think too abstractly to feel the blade slip beneath the skin, the raw gaping bleeding wound left behind, that feeling of loss, of watching yourself slip further and further away.

The people on Atlantis knew pain. It took a certain kind of person to give up everything on a long shot. They were all of them desperate, all searching; you aren’t disillusioned. None of you were heroes. You were human.

Simon has moved on. It’s not like you can blame him for it. It’s not like you didn’t beg him to do just that, to move on, to not wait.

Still, part of you’d expected him to, part of you had never questioned what you would find. Love was funny that way. Conditional and convenient and so rarely the real thing.

It shouldn’t be so hard to tell them apart, the fake from the real, the dream from the reality—those that will make it from those passing the time. If you think one thing, it’s a good bet it will end up the other. You’ve seen the theory in action.

It’s Rodney that gives it away—but it’s not like that’s all that surprising in of itself. Rodney isn’t discreet. This isn’t news.

It’s John you’re watching; planning implausible liaisons in your mind, a little rebound, is all, just a little moment of weakness because you deserve that much after everything and he must be lonely too. Only he isn’t. It’s just that he can look you in the eye and you believe what you see, you think you know him, and you never will.

It’s later when it happens. A little nothing, a passing moment, barely noticeable in the midst of the latest crisis and yet you can’t miss it, can’t look away, can’t help but listen as your heart stops and the room flickers in and out, spinning until you manage to make it stop and then it’s gone, and they’re just there again, like nothing had happened at all.

It’s such a little thing. Any other time it would have gone unnoticed, you would have been looking the other direction or thinking of something else, and you could have gone for years with never a clue.

But you weren’t looking away, you were thinking of John, and Simon, and you didn’t miss it. John and Rodney. Rodney needs the console and John is in the way, a little touch on the arm, no force behind it, just a gentle sway and John is stepping back and Rodney is moving forward, and their eyes never even meet.

It takes a second for you to realize what’s wrong, a moment for it to sink in what’s out of place.

Anyone else Rodney would have shoved out of the way.

The contact, light and pressing and brief, says everything they’re not. The rest follows. The glances, the smirks, the banter and the inside jokes and the raised eyebrows and you feel stupid, incredibly stupid, because you keep getting it wrong.

Simon didn’t wait and John was screwing Rodney right under your nose and you were left alone in the corner office in the most beautiful city in the universe, crying over frayed photos and shattered fantasies and you can’t stop, can’t hold it together, because you know its real.

And you know what you’ve had is not.
 
 
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Buttercupbbuttercup on February 26th, 2006 - 04:16 am
I kinda feel sad for Elizabeth. I love the subtle description of John and Rodney's relationship, very sweet and intense at the same time :o)
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Layton Colt: auroralaytoncolt on February 26th, 2006 - 08:52 am
Thank you! :-)
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What, does he wanna date me or kill me?: 2001 Rodney McKay stylekrysalys on March 16th, 2006 - 01:56 am
Wow
Yet another fic that makes my heart bleed for Elizabeth.
----}-@
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Layton Colt: john and rodneylaytoncolt on March 16th, 2006 - 11:51 pm
Re: Wow
Elizabeth is not a favorite, and so she's really hard for me to write, but she's also the one I think might be a little jealous of Rodney and John, even if she didn't really want either of them, because it's something she's lost and can't afford to find on Atlantis.

Thanks, hun. :-)
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questioning in order to create: J2tigriswolf on August 4th, 2008 - 03:00 am
So pretty.
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Layton Colt: jennie garth and peter facinellilaytoncolt on August 4th, 2008 - 07:52 pm
Thanks, hun! :-)
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(Anonymous) on December 23rd, 2010 - 12:00 pm
SGA: Time
Very nice. Well edited. Nearly poetic.
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